


Fives Times Jonathan Sims Came Out (and One Time He Didn't Have To)

by MEOW_I_am_a_cat



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (not as a focus it's just how i wrote him), 5+1 Things, Ace Week, Asexual Georgie Barker, Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Author is ace, Autistic Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Canon Asexual Character, Coming Out, Demisexual Georgie Barker, F/M, M/M, Nonbinary Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, mild aphobia (not from main characters)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27268153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MEOW_I_am_a_cat/pseuds/MEOW_I_am_a_cat
Summary: Jonathan Sims has never gotten to come out, properly, as asexual. He's come close a few times, though.--Written for ace week! It's some of Jon's attempts at coming out + figuring out his boundaries!
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Original Characters, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 22
Kudos: 229





	Fives Times Jonathan Sims Came Out (and One Time He Didn't Have To)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm ace and this is 110% projection; all of the first five are either taken word for word or at least inspired by actual convos/experiences I've had!!
> 
> CW:  
> -the first and third sections have some aphobia, from an allo partner and a therapist respectively  
> -mention of canon-typical outing  
> \--Jon also tries to rationalize/downplay it because he still thinks of Melanie and Georgie as his friends; not healthy, no one deserves to be outed even if it is "small," but I'm drawing on my own experiences there  
> -Jon mentions sex a lot in the context of coming out  
> -off screen mentioned sex scene in the fifth section; Jon is the one to propose the idea mainly out of curiosity. it is also mentioned that he and Georgie tried various forms of nonsexual kink (rope bondage/shibari is specifically mentioned) and it is explicitly stated that Jon enjoys those  
> -Jon is an ace who likes kissing and this is mentioned multiple times; ik that's not everyone's jam but I'm an ace who likes kissing so I get to choose the projection  
> -Jon is also somewhere between sex neutral and sex repulsed, also bc me too baby!!  
> -on that note, Georgie is a sex favorable demi, but, like, only once she unlocks the sexual attraction

1

  
The first time he comes out to someone, with his first inklings of what he would eventually come to know as asexuality, is with his first girlfriend. He's only fifteen, and hadn't understood the appeal when his circle of loose friends started pairing off, but she was nice, so when she asked him on a date he agreed.

It takes a lot of psyching himself up before he's able to get the words out. Even so, she ends up having to be the one who pulls the cork out.

"You said you wanted to tell me something?" Her eyebrows are knitted as she reaches across to touch his hand. He lets her.

"I... may... not... be attracted to you. Sexually." It's clunky. He's choking on his words.

She withdraws her hand. "Are you... breaking up with me?"

Jon's eyes go wide -- he hadn't considered how it would sound to her, had he?

"N-no, I--" he scrambles, "I-- So I told you I'm bisexual, right?"

"You're breaking up with me because you're gay."

"No! I like you, just-- romantically. Maybe not sexually. I'm not sure yet."

"That's not a thing."

He decides to switch angles -- explain using something he read when he had first found mentions of bisexuality.

"Do... do you know what asexuality is?"

He's already rehearsing what he'll say next. About how it doesn't mean they can't be in a relationship, people who are asexual. How _he_ isn't asexual, he doesn't have enough experience to say that, especially experience with guys, but he's pretty sure he isn't attracted to _her_.

Then she opens her mouth.

"Yeah." And he's relieved, he won't have to do as much explaining. "It's a load of bullshit." Jon's heart falls. "Love and lust are intrinsically linked, that's just science. They're, like, the same chemicals or whatever. If they don't match up for you there must be something wrong with you."

Jon's silent for a moment, trying to think of what he can even _say_ to that. Then --

"Actually, yes. This _is_ me breaking up with you." He gets up from the café table and leaves.

* * *

2

  
The next time, it's more that someone else came out to _him_.

It's a boyfriend, this time, his first. He finds that he enjoys spending his Wednesday evenings on his boyfriend's sofa, cuddling through a film or sometimes abandoning the screen altogether to kiss him. He likes kissing; it's fun and gives him the intimacy he craves, but doesn't come too close to forcing him into unpleasant conversations he'd rather avoid.

It's one of these Wednesday nights that his boyfriend pulls away and looks Jon in the eyes.

"First, I wanna say I'm still _very_ into you."

Jon freezes up. There are two ways this could go. Maybe he's about to take sex off the table, and Jon won't have to. Or--

"I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic."

That's... less ideal.

"It's like... I like _this_ , and I don't want us to change. I just... I'm not big on the... romance. At all. Maybe the label can change, if you want. Something less boyfriends, more... friends with benefits? How would you feel if I started also seeing someone else? Also my parents aren't home so if you wanted to, you know, we could."

It's... a lot to take in. Jon tries to school his expression into something more neutral; he knows what it's like to be on the other side of this conversation, and he wants to be supportive.

"Jon? You good?"

He realizes he hasn't spoken yet. How long has he been silent?

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't be sorry," his boyfriend -- no, friend with benefits? What _are_ they, now? -- reassures. "That was a lot of info, take your time."

Jon doesn't want to do this again. "I'm sorry, but I don’t think I can be that for you."

"Oh. Oh! No, don't apologize! Have I-- have I been forcing you into things?"

It's almost _worse_ how lovely he's being. Maybe if he was a dick about it it wouldn't feel so hard.

"No, don't worry, I like _this_. I'm just... not really... into sex?"

"Oh! You're asexual?" There's that word again.

"I... don't know. I think I'm _attracted_ to you, I just... Sex itself kind of... doesn't appeal to me?"

His boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) nods. "I think I get it. Kind of like how I'd be willing to do the romantic stuff if it made my partner happy, as long as they'd want to have sex. Except, the opposite." Jon nods, not trusting his voice, but so incredibly _relieved_. He wishes he could love him back, the way he loves Jon, but he just _can't_. Luckily, his boyfriend -- _friend_ \-- fills the silence so Jon doesn't have to. "Friends, then. And if you ever want to make out again, you know I'm free on Wednesdays," he says with a wink.

Jon meets him with a small smile. "Thank you," he breathes.

* * *

3

  
His first year of university sees a fair handful of anxiety-induced breakdowns that end up getting him a referral to a therapist.

The therapist starts with the seemingly endless list of intake questions, and while it isn't exactly fun to keep promising he isn't suicidal, it's fairly just _boring_. Then _it_ happens.

Jon thinks, in retrospect, that he should have seen it coming. Of _course_ the therapist would ask about his personal relationships. It should have been a given that he'd ask if Jon was seeing anyone. Still, it catches him off guard.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No, I, uh. No."

"Looking for one?"

"No." Jon shakes his head a bit with his answer.

The therapist latches on. "Is there any reason for that?"

"I... don't want to?" Under the doctors piercing gaze, Jon begins to doubt himself, somehow.

"Why not?" Stupid of him, really, to think he was off the hook.

"I find myself incompatible with most people." The therapist raises an eyebrow, obviously intending for Jon to go on. He wonders, briefly, if he could get away with not elaborating. Just sit in silence and wait for the next question. The extended eye contact is making his stomach turn, and the ticking of the clock in the silent office is chipping away at any ease that remains. He looks down at his hands. "They want things I don't."

"And what would that be?"

He's not asking to be rude. He just needs to get to know Jon. He needs to understand his patients. He isn't trying to make Jon uncomfortable. As much as Jon tells himself this, though, it doesn't stop the questions from gnawing at him, it doesn't stop the feeling like the therapist is trying to physically poke at Jon's brain with just his gaze.

"Sex."

"Ah, waiting til marriage, are we? That's a fair enough reason to avoid the dating pools."

 _He's giving you an out_ , Jon's brain whispers. _You can be done with this. Just take it._

"I just don't want to." It's like this man is compelling the truth from Jon's lips. He's briefly reminded of the feeling of strings pulling at his limbs, drawing him blind down a path to his doom. Jon blinks and takes a deep breath. The man just has an imposing personality. Makes you want to answer his questions.

"Have you ever tried?"

Jon's answer falls from his mouth before the question is even finished. "No," he shakes his head. He doesn't say that it's because he doesn't want to.

"Well, a loss of interest in sex and relationships can often arise during periods of anxiety or depression. I'm sure we'll be able to work through this and get you fixed right up. No need to feel like you're broken or anything, it happens to plenty of people."

Jon hadn't _felt_ broken until this very second, is the thing. Sure, it made him a bit lonely, but he never felt like something was _wrong_ with him. It's not like he couldn't _love_ or anything, he had crushes on people no problem. It just so happened that his ideal outcome was a close friend.

He didn't book a follow up appointment. He couldn't stop thinking about it, though. He kept feeling... wrong.. Like there was something missing, a switch that needed to be flipped. Like there was some part of him that was broken.

* * *

4

  
He met Georgie his second year, at a queer meet-up that he spent an hour psyching himself up to go to. She had greeted him warmly, introduced herself as "Georgie Barker, pronouns she/her," and gestured to the three bowls on a table by the door, encouraging him to take a pronoun pin. "Made them myself, so I hope you like them," she added. After watching him hesitate for a moment, frozen by something he hadn't been expecting and didn't have a script for, she had whispered conspiratorially, "You can take more than one, I promise I won't tell," and winked. He flushed, and quickly grabbed two, decorated with "He" and "They." He wasn't sure if he actually wanted the second one, or just felt like he should take it because Georgie had suggested.

After two months of being fast friends, Georgie had asked him on a date, and he agreed. It's at the end of that first date that he brings it up, as they're walking around campus in the fresh night air.

"Georgie." She hums in acknowledgement. "I, er, I think you should know. I don't. I don't have sex."

"Okay."

Of all the responses he had planned for, he hadn't been expected _that_.

"O-okay?" he sputters.

"Should I not be okay with that?"

He isn't sure what to say to that, either. "Normally people, well, aren't."

Georgie stops and looks at him. "Jon. I don't know what other people have said to you, but whatever it is is bullshit. You shouldn't have to settle for people who aren't okay with who you are."

Jon smiles at that. He lets out a breaks he hadn't realized he'd been holding and notices that his heart feels warm.

"Besides, I'm ace, too."

Now it's Jon's turn to stop and stare. "Wait, what?"

Georgie frowns slightly. "Ace? Asexual? I'm asexual too."

Jon shakes his head. "I'm not--"

Georgie squeezes his hand and he cuts off.

"You don't do sex?" He nods. "Have you ever wanted to?" Shakes his head. "When you were in primary, did you have crushes on people?"

"Of course--"

"And how did you know?"

"Well. They were nice to me. And I liked being their friend. So I decided I had a crush on them."

Georgie giggles -- she _giggles_ \-- at that. "To be honest, that's a pretty hallmark sign that you're either gay or ace, and you've already expressed interest in _me_. So..." she gives half a shrug.

"No, that's how everyone is. Besides, I wasn't thinking about _sex_ as a little kid."

"Tell me, Jon, have you ever looked at someone and thought, 'Yeah, I'd really like to fuck them'?"

Jon flushes, and though it isn't visible on his skin, especially in the dark, Georgie can practically feel the heat radiating from his face. "No, but... People don't really think that, do they?"

"I've got some trusted sources that say they do. Don't worry, I can barely believe it myself. Wouldn't, honestly, if I hadn't felt it myself."

"Wait, but you--?"

"Only once. With my last girlfriend, after, like, _years_ of being together. I think I've seen people call it... demisexual? Kind of like, halfway to ace. The attraction sort of shows up after you already know them."

"Huh."

"Yeah. Anyway, you might want to think about it. Try on the label, see how it feels."

He reads forums online, that weekend, and finds more and more stories that seem oh so familiar. He tries the label on, and finds he doesn't want to take it off.

* * *

5

  
It's after two years together that he asks.

"Georgie?"

She hums in response, just like she always does. It's high and melodic and Jon finds it's one of his favorite sounds.

"Would you like to have sex with me?"

Georgie laughs at him, and despite that _also_ being a favorite sound of Jon's, he still nudges her with his foot in a feeble attempt at a kick.

"Why do you ask?" She's still giggling.

"I suppose I'm curious."

"'I suppose,'" she mocks. "Okay, Mr. English major."

He kicks at her again from across the sofa. "Oh, hush. I _suppose_ if I've never had sex I don't know what it's like. I might as well find out, and I like you well enough."

"Well, you don't need to flatter me," she laughs, swatting at his foot. "We don't have to, you know. Even if I do, y'know, like you like that, I'd never force you to do something to didn't want to."

"No, I know," he assures her. "I just. I would like to try."

It turns out he definitely _doesn't_ like sex. It's messy and not nearly as pleasant as films make it seem. He does find he likes _other_ things, though. Mainly he just confirms that he likes kissing, but there's at least one memorable night where Georgie asked to tie him up and he found it so relaxing he fell asleep before she was finished with the harness, and there's quite a number of other sex-adjacent things they try that he finds quite enjoyable.

* * *

+1

When they arrive at Daisy's safehouse, they find only one bed. To Jon, it's as good a reason as any to have this conversation now.

"Martin, I. You should know, I'm asexual."

"Oh, I know," is the cheerful reply. Martin continues into the room, dropping Jon's hand when he doesn't follow.

"You-- You know?"

Martin turns away from unpacking his suitcase to face him, a slight frown on his face.

"Yeah? Didn't you--" Martin's mouth drops into an "o" when he sees Jon's bewildered face. "That wasn't. You didn't. _God_ , I'm so sorry, Jon! I could've _sworn_ it was you who said it--"

"How do you know?" There's no power behind the question, just more confusion as Jon tries to remember if he had said anything and forgotten it. He would have remembered if he had come out to Martin already, wouldn't he?

"I-- It was Melanie. She and Basira were talking, while you were off... researching. They were gossiping about, well, _us_ , I think Basira wondered if we had... slept together? And Melanie said that Georgie said that you. Well, that you _didn't_."

There's a part of Jon that wants to be mad, at Melanie for gossiping or Georgie for outing him in the first place, but he can't. He still thinks of them as his friends, and he rationalizes it, sure neither of them actually _meant_ anything by it, it probably just slipped out. He doesn't want to dwell on it.

"I'm sorry," Martin says again. "I know what it's like to get that taken away from you. You deserve the chance to come out on your own terms."

Jon is silent for a long moment, thinking.

"I..." he starts. "I would like that."

"Wait, what?"

Jon shakes his head. "Forget it, it was a silly idea."

Martin crosses back to Jon, takes Jon's hands in his own. "You mean, like, pretend I don't know? And you get to explain everything on your own terms?"

"See, it sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud. Nevermind, Martin."

"No, I think it's a lovely idea! Like I said, you deserve it!"

"I've never... _had_ to do this whole thing. It was Georgie who helped me realize, so..." he trails off, closing his eyes and gently leaning forward to rest his head against Martin's shoulder.

"Do you... Would you _want_ to?"

Jon nods as much as he is able without moving away.

"Okay. We can do that." Jon hums in contentment, face still buried in the soft warmth of Martin's sweater. Almost reluctantly, he pulls away.

"Martin. Promise me that this won't change anything?"

"What d'you mean?"

"I..." Jon looks down at their hands and passively notices that the stroke of his thumb across Martin's hand is steadily increasing pace. "Usually this ends with people breaking up with me. Or, I suppose, me breaking up with them. I... I love you, and I need you to know that this doesn't change that."

Martin wraps his arms around Jon, then, enveloping his small frame. He presses a quick kiss to the top of his head.

"I promise. I love you, too, Jon, and learning more about you isn't going to change that. I love you _because_ of who you are, not despite it."

Jon leans back and looks Martin in the eyes.

"I'm asexual. I'm somewhere between sex neutral and sex repulsed; I know I personally will never want to and I find it rather gross, but I understand other people find it appealing. I like kissing. I also know that I enjoy a lot of... nonsexual kink, I think you'd call it. I suppose we can save further discussion of those boundaries for applicable moments."

It's the first time he gets to use all the words, clear and accurate, and putting his research and introspection to use. Laying out his boundaries like this, with the promise of further discussion, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of him, one that he only now realizes has been crushing him and choking him for his entire life.

"Martin Blackwood, I love you, and I am asexual."

Martin smiles at him, and it feels like drinking a warm cup of tea.

"I love you, too, Jonathan Sims.

* * *

(Coda)

  
"Martin, what would you say if I asked you to use they pronouns for me?"

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever not casually slide in with that nb Jon content? Absolutely not.  
> (also yea the first two are in fact actual ways I have broken up with someone/been broken up with, and the convos w georgie are based on a convo w an ace friend when I still thought I was allo but sex repulsed lmao and a bf who helped me sort out some boundaries so uhh shoutout to everyone who inspired this except the bf who the first bit is based on!!)  
> \--  
> Comments and kudos feed me!!!!


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